Thursday, April 11, 2013

Playing Out Alone
I've done a fair bit of pondering on this one and asked quite a few friends about their views on it.... at what age should children be allowed to play outside by themselves. 

It came about after I had been for a walk with my son and seen some of his classmates on the comp by themselves...they are nine years old.

I was a bit shocked because at nine years old there is no way on this earth that I would let my son down at the comp on his own.

Let me describe the comp to you....it's a big open space with at least six football pitches on it that local teams use for footy matches and training sessions.It has astro turf pitches,a sports centre (which is only open when a match is on) trees and and a derelict patch of ground where teens go to jump on their bikes and it has a river/stream running through it.Its quite a big place really,lots of people walk dogs on there but at the same time it can be lonely there as all wide open spaces can be.

So would you let your nine year old play down there by themselves?Was I right to feel a bit wary of this situation?Or was I over worrying yet again? 

I sat and watched the children play,as my son was welcomed into the group,there were 3 children there altogether.

I know without a doubt that at nine I wouldn't even consider my son playing there with friends if there wasn't any adults present.He's just not mature enough.

And I just wouldn't want him to anyway.I love being with him,we walk and talk together and he wouldn't dream of asking to go anywhere by himself,he just wouldn't.

These kids were playing in the stream & having a good time but I could see danger,I mean kids and water,it doesn't take much for a accident to happen,does it?

I started to think about when I was young,we used to go everywhere on our own!Parks,fields,all over the place.

When I think off the things we got up to...making dens with old sofas that probably were full of bugs and goodness knows what....walking through rivers and actually jumping across rivers...swinging on rope swings (the best feeling!) and even walking home along train lines (not at all clever or condoned) but we survived,didn't we!And in the making learnt how to gauge true danger and negotiate our bodies to deal with physical challenges.Yes we had bumps and scrapes but nothing that couldn't be put right.

I wonder if we perhaps wrap our children just a tad too tightly in cotton wool.Bubble wrap them until they become unable to cope with some situations.Breed very unstreet wise kids.

And is this good?

I can understand why we do this,I really can,but hey generations grew up before our kids and they survived didn't they.

I know there is more traffic on the roads and this is a worry and most parents worry about people snatching their kids and this thought alone makes me want to keep my kids at my side 24-7.
But has the figures of child murder and abduction rose lately?Im not sure but I tend to think it hasn't rose as dramatically as we may imagine.

I don't know any answers but it did throw up a myriad of thoughts as I watched the kids on the comp play....by themselves....

There is a very funny end to this post....

You know the wrapped in cotton wool kid....yep,my son....weeell he fell in the river whilst under the supervision of his oh so watchful mum!Whereas the lets roam free kid may have paddled in the water but he didn't fall in!

And yes I do see the irony in this!



20 comments:

  1. I think, say 20 years ago, it would have been ok. I grew up in a village surrounded by fields and I remember every day from when I was around 6 roaming in fields and making dens. I wasn't alone though, there was always a big group of kids. Things were a lot safer back then.

    However. Nowadays? No way would I let me son if he was 9 years old (hes only two atm) go to a park area on his own! We live opposite a big park and I would still not like it. It't not wrapping them up in cotton wool, its just being a good parent.

    What would happen if you gave in, let him go and then God forbid something terrible would happen. That's what would be going through in my head.

    Laura x x x

    #PoCoLo

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    1. Hiya Laura,I tend to agree with you and there is no way I would let my nine year old boy go out to the comp or anywhere by himself,it's not even something I have considered doing.And that's why I was so shocked when I saw his classmate out and about on his own.
      I did wonder about how things have changed though and I was very interested in hearing what other people had to say about this subject.I haven't come across anybody yet that has said they would let their nine year old go to a local park by themselves.
      Thanks for commenting xxx

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  2. I feel it's sad that children today can't do the fun things we did way back. That's why I try to do those exact same things with my lad. Go to the woods, let him build dens, swing on ropes, fish for newts, get covered in mud. He should be able to enjoy this stuff too!

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    1. It is sad Usti! Because I truly think its the way it should be....a bit of freedom for the kids to test boundaries and work as teams without always having adults there to negoitiate for them.I had a real good time as a kid 'playing out' and without any interference from my parents.But and it's a big but,I wouldn't let my kids out by themselves and I have always been wary of them going places by themselves.They were always some of the last kids around to be allowed out on their own and the older one reminds me of that fact on a consistent basis! I stand by that decision though and wouldn't change a thing.As you do,I tended to take them
      out myself and tried to give them as much natural play as I could. Thanks for commenting :-)

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  3. my son will be 9 in July and there is no way i will let him play outside on his own...i take him and his friends out, i would rather see where he is and know that he is safe..we also do lots of things together as a family. xx

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    1. I know exactly what you mean.I tend to go out with my youngest little and we do things together as we were doing when this incident occurred.
      It made me think about how times have changed and if it's right to wrap our children up quite as tightly as we do.
      I can't see me changing the way I parent though,for me nine is too young to be a considerable way from home and on such a big park/woodland area...that's just me :-) x thanks for commenting x

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  4. I grew up in the middle of nowhere and, age 9, was allowed off by myself for hours, to explore the mountain and fields. But now we live in London. I suspect I won't let mine out by themselves when they're 9, but it's difficult to say now - I'll be making the judgement at the time, I think.

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    1. Times have changed Nell,hvnt they!In just a lifetime things are SO different and childhood has become totally different too.Much more supervised and restricted and yes I can totally understand why.
      You raise a good point,I guess it could depend on the area that you live in too how much freedom your child gets.
      In my heart I know that my little one will not be going out unsupervised for a 'very' long time! Thanks for commenting :-) x

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  5. I think there are the same amount of dangers there are now, but due to social media, mobile phones and the hype we do tend to encase our children in bubble wrap and sit them in front of the tv. i know my daughter who is 12 is no where near ready for half the stuff i did at her age as her maturity level is lower than mine was at that age, is it all this technology??

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    1. Hi Jaime,I really ponder just why the world changed and why we feel this need to keep our children so close to us....we just love them so much don't we! And I'm the worlds worst bubble wrapper! I worry that sometimes the most protected kids are not as streetwise as some other children and you can bet your bottom dollar that any incident is gonna happen to the less street wise kids!Like my young un falling in the river right before his mothers eyes! No easy answers eh! And like your daughter my son is nowhere near as mature as I was at his age! He won't be wandering far for the foresable future! Thanks for commenting x

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  6. So true. I played outside on my own all the time when I was 9. I went rowing in a rubber dinghy all around the canals in my hometown in Holland, with two of my friends. We'd be out all day, picnic on an island in the canal and come home when it started to get dark. I look back on that now and cannot imagine letting my children out of my sight for a single second. You'd think with mobile phones we'd feel safer, as we'd be able to reach them, but instead we feel like they;re more of a target, more distractible etc. It's very sad, but there is so little we can do about it.

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    1. Hi 'Secrets of the Sandpit' I loved hearing about your childhood in Holland,what adventures you must have had!
      Isn't it strange that with mobile phones we should feel safer but we don't!And they become savvy to them I feel,excuses like my battery ran out or I didn't hear it come out readily as they reach the older teen years!
      Isn't it funny that we the generation that enjoyed such freedom feel that we want to keep our children so close to us! Thanks for commenting xx

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  7. This is such a difficult situation and I believe a fine line between right and wrong. To my mind media and news reports are far more accessible these days and therefore you are more likely to hear of child snatching cases. We can do all we can to protect our children but we can also go too far. Thanks for linking this post up to PoCoLo and for all your support xx

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    1. Hi Tori,think you describe it so well there...,a fine line between right and wrong!No easy answers is there & I guess what is right for some families wouldn't be as right for others.
      I do think the media have played a part in this fear that there are child snatchers on every street corner but as parents are we ever going to chance it....I think not,the consequences are too horrific.
      Thanks for your views and comment,muchly appreciated x

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  8. We were talking about this today and at 9 my husband built a tree house about 1/2 a mile from his home, about 20 feet in the air and used to spend hours on end there with his friend not seeing another sole for often 1/2 a day at a time. I can't imagine I would let my son disappear for so long on his own at 9. But it's 5yrs off so things might change. I'm more than happy for his friends to come and play in our garden or to go elsewhere with some supervision but I wouldn't be letting him off to somewhere like the comp alone x

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    1. That sounds like a fab tree house!!Bet he had some fun in there! Same old story isn't it....we had a completely different childhood to our children and I feel exactly like you do,I won't be letting my son down to the comp anytime soon.Or anywhere else for that matter!To be honest he has never even asked...we do lots of things together and play as a family really and we like it that way.Thanks for commenting,I loved the tree house story,it's been so nice hearing peoples views and experiences of childhoods,I have been fascinated :-) x

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  9. I have this dilemma to face in the future, such a balancing act #PoCoLo

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    1. Yep it is a dilemma! You just want your precious children safe at the end of the day,don't you! But it does make you think doesn't it....what a different world our kids are growing up in! Thanks for the comment x

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  10. I constantly panic about how I'll handle stuff like this when my daughter is older. I have a meltdown when she's playing upstairs and I can't hear her. I can't imagine when I'd allow her to walk to school and it's only around the corner. Granted she is way too young at the moment, but I do still worry about when the right time would be to let her do stuff and also not letting her get left out by her friends because they're allowed to do things she's not.

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    1. Hi :-)not easy is it!I wont be letting my son walk to school for a long time!I just want him to be safe.And I know exactly what you mean about peer pressure,thats when you have to stand strong for what you personally think is right for you and your family..not easy at all.

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