Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Playcentres...Heaven Or Just Hell
So what does everybody think about Playcentres?
Good places where children can run around and burn off their excess energy come rain or shine or nightmarish places where the noise is unbearable and the children get over excited,over hot and over the top?

I tend to think the latter!Im not so cool about Playcentres.
I think this comes from having a little one who finds climbing a challenge,this makes play centres a challenge for me too...lots of places to get stuck,lots of unpredictable drops and lots of busy children rushing around and sometimes not behaving that well!

As I ventured into the brightly coloured plastic place of doom yesterday my mind started to work overtime and I thought the play centre world can be split into two categories;

Those parents who sit and have a relaxing time drinking cups of tea and coffee and either enjoying a right old chinwag or sat silently in their own little iPhone world 

Or those parents that for whatever reason enter the play zone and get involved in the rough and tumble world where kids rule and adults are in the minority.

Iam in the second category and I spend my time crawling around on my hands and knees,through bright primary coloured passage ways,where at any moment you run the risk of being hit by a swinging plastic ball or tube.
You start at the bottom of the play centre and gradually by a process of layered plastic climb to the very top of the playcentre...usually you then have to cross a rope bridge that sways as you walk and kills your feet as you tread on the bumpy,knotted rope...great...and if you have the misfortune to be in the middle of the bridge when a group of children are trying to go in the opposite direction,well basically you are dead meat.
They will plough you over and not even blink as they do it....the play centre world is a feral place,make no mistake about that.

It's kinda like Total Wipeout up there...there are the big balls that you have to dodge before they swing at you and knock you flying and the balls that you can sit on and bounce around on and then my worstest item... the booby squishing machine.... this is like a vertical roller that you have to squeeze through and for kids it may be ok but for women it's not.Its squeezes you so tightly and everytime I go through it I think it is only a matter of time before it explodes my boobs into a million pieces.

Then you come to the slides and it depends on what you are wearing to what happens to you!If you are wearing leggings just simply will win every race,even if you give them a ten second head will also burn your bum and look a big show off as you beat every child in sight down that it or not!

As you are travelling around this brightly coloured world of hell you may just occasionally come across other adults,yep a few hardy souls do venture into these depths too,not many though and I'm not sure if it's by necessity or choice that they are there.
The said adults usually greet you with a weary but cheery smile,the kind you would imagine a ship wrecked person would give if they had found a fellow survivor.You may exchange pleasantries but to be honest you are probably just thankful to see you are not the only loony clambering around hell. These adults are usually dads,it's very rare to find a fellow woman up there,is that because most women have more sense than to climb,scramble and negotiate hell...probably.

The children get hotter and hotter and sweatier and sweatier and redder and redder until they look like they could literally explode,this is when you have to go and buy them galleons of pop before they hyperventilate.
This would seem like a good time to get yourself a drink but oh no not so easy,the kids have gulped their drinks down in a flash and are dragging you to the play equipment....again.

You look around in desperation for a easier,more sedate piece of equipment but no such luck, these nice sedate things do not exist in playcentre hell land.

And what of the others,those lucky souls sat at the bottom,slurping tea and coffee and enjoying a few child free minutes.
I've always wondered how the jammy devils managed that!
Probably tho while they sit having the time of riley,we sort their children out as they run amok,secure in the knowledge that their parents are never going to come and check on them....double whammy...bliss for parents and bliss for their kids!

Ah play centres do fulfil a role I guess but give me a romp
around the woods anyday!

And as a final note,young Chipmunk had a fab time running around our local playcentre yesterday and I was such a winner on the big bumpy slide,small mercies!

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