Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Sometimes when I go out I feel the presence of two little ghosts with me.
It happens when I go somewhere that I used to go to when my big boys were young.
Somewhere like the forest or the comp,it happened when I took Chipmunk to the juniors for his first school BBQ. (ghosts in the playground)
It's a definite feeling,I can almost see them running and jumping about.And until I have made that place my own,I sense them there.
I guess it's memories.Memories of the old days when Tiger and Sharky were small and we used to go out together.Two little boys produce a lot of energy,they run and jump and shout and laugh and quarrel,constantly!
The boys were full of spirit,they ran fast and jumped high.There were rope swings in woods and a bike ride every single day,yes every single day!They would climb trees and hang off branches,balance on walls,jump off everything and all done swiftly with lots of noise!
There were always balls taken with us too,footballs for Tiger and tennis balls for Sharky.Wherever we went you could guarantee a ball would be either bouncing along or being dribbled along the pavement.
And now it's usually just me and Chipmunk out adventuring,it's so very different,quieter for certain.The pace is a lot slower and calmer.Time is spent walking and not running. It's a gentler feel to things.We look at animals,plants and we notice the small stuff,stuff that in the mad rush of the older two we would have missed.
And I'm used to this now,this is our life,it's different but it's ok,swings and roundabouts,ebb and flo kinda stuff.
It's just sometimes when I go to a place where the older boys used to play I feel a tug and I remember and it jolts me almost,takes me back to a place where I used to dwell,a place I've almost forgot but not quite!I was a different mum then,I had boys who could do very physical things,I was never anxious about them falling I just used to take their bumps and scrapes in my stride,not now tho,now life is different and Iam different too.More cautious,not as free and easy.
Last Sunday I went to the Comp and there was lads playing organised football and that's when the friendly ghosts came.
As I walked I began to wonder if I would always feel this way when I saw certain things or went to certain places and then I saw a woman watching the footy,as I got closer I saw it was someone I used to know from when the older boys played in a football team.We stopped and had a chat about how the kids had grown and as I turned to go she said
"I don't know why I'm stood here,I've got nobody playing football,I just stopped to watch the football"
And it seemed to me that she too remembered when her son was younger and playing footy.
Perhaps we all have our ghosts...